The Jossable Glee Drabbles
by DumbHumanLikeYou
Summary: A collection of drabbles and one-shots based on speculations for upcoming episodes  so, spoilers, but nothing too major . Story 3: Rachel and Finn jump to the wrong conclusion about Kurt and Sam, forcing the actual truth out. No spoilers beyond the promo.
1. Teaching Two Sons  2x15 Spoiler

_AN: Contains very minor spoilers for/takes place during Episode 2x15, "Sexy". Burt Hummel gives his son Kurt the sex talk. _

"But really, Dad, you don't have to worry about me going out and doing all this stuff tonight," Kurt said, leaning against the counter. "I'm not like Puckerman, or Santana, or _Finn_. I don't want to do it just to _do it._".

Burt nodded, a glimmer of pride shining through his obvious discomfort.

"I want it to be with the person I really care about. And right now, that person is Blaine." Kurt sighed and stared at the sex ed pamphlets his father had brought home. "But I'm stuck in the 'friend zone' indefinitely, so relax. I'm not going to lose my virginity any time soon."

"I'm… I'm glad, son," Burt said, patting his son on the shoulder. Then, as he played their conversation back in his head, he turned.

"What did you say about Finn?"

"What did who say about me?" Finn asked, coming down the stairs into the kitchen.

Kurt considered withdrawing his statement, but decided to continue with the 'complete honesty' rule his father had implemented at the beginning of this conversation.

"Oh, I told him that you're a slut," he said nonchalantly.

"Wh-what?" Finn spluttered, as Burt gave his stepson a stern disapproving glare. "That's not true at all! I've only had sex _once_!"

Kurt looked up, confused.

"Wait. So you _didn't_ have sex with Santana? Wasn't that why you and Rachel broke up?"

Finn rolled his eyes. "No. She and I had sex months before Rachel and I started dating. We broke up because Rachel got mad about it and made out with Puck."

"Still, you've had sex with two women," Burt said, still glaring.

"No, just Santana."

The two Hummels looked at each other for a moment, then back to Finn. Both of them struggled to find the right words to say. It was Kurt who spoke up first.

"What about Quinn?"

Finn shrugged. "We never had sex."

Burt's jaw dropped. He took a step towards his stepson, dumbfounded.

"How did she convince you that you were the _father of her baby_ if you two _never had sex_?" he asked, speaking slowly.

"Well, we were making out in the hot tub and –"

Kurt's abrupt laugh cut him off. Finn looked from his stepbrother, tearing up from laughter, to Burt, who looked utterly shocked. "What?" he asked.

Wiping away a stray tear, Kurt walked over and patted his father on the shoulder.

"Looks like I'm not the one you should be having this conversation with," he said before grabbing the pamphlets and walking out the door.


	2. Payback for Spying 2x17 Spoiler

_**AN:**__ Very loosely based on a dark and blurry spoiler picture for 2x17, in which (allegedly) Kurt and Blaine watch Sunshine sing in the auditorium. _

The final bell of the day rang throughout McKinley, and Kurt Hummel made his way out of physics class, humming along to the song they would be running through in glee club. He rounded the corner, making a beeline for his locker, when he noticed someone in the all-too-familiar Dalton Academy blazer leaning up against it.

"Blaine!" he exclaimed, trotting the rest of the distance between them. "What's going on? Why are you here?"

Blaine Anderson shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "Just thought I'd surprise you, and we could hang today or something."

"Did you skip class to be here?" Kurt asked, mildly suspicious. "Because Dalton and McKinley get out at the same time, and you're two hours away."

"It was only gym and SAT prep. Who needs those anyway?" Blaine smiled. At Kurt's raised eyebrow, he added, "It's not like I skip class all the time. I don't think I have since I came here to talk to-" He looked down the hallway, making sure the person he was referring to wasn't in earshot. Kurt shook his head slightly, telling him not to even chance saying Karofsky's name.

"Trust me, Kurt, I'm not going to turn into a delinquent," he said. "I just wanted to come see you today. It's so strange not seeing you everyday anymore."

Kurt chuckled. "Are you still going through 'Hummel withdrawals', running around school looking for me?"

"Okay, that was _one time_. Yes, I bought two copies of _Vogue_ so I could give you one at the Warblers' meeting. It was just a habit that I forgot to break," Blaine grumbled as his friend laughed at him.

While Kurt found the idea of Blaine missing him at school endearing, in actuality Blaine was, nearly a month later, having trouble coming to terms with the fact that his best friend wasn't behind him in French or waiting for him in the commons at the end of the day to carpool to The Lima Bean. It hurt each and every time he thought he saw Kurt at Dalton, only to be mistaken.

"So," he said, snapping himself out of his depressing thoughts. "I was thinking we can get coffee and catch up for a bit, and then head to the mall? We can ransack Borders and find the best 'going out of business' deals, get some dinner, maybe see a movie?"

Kurt frowned. "That sounds great, but Glee's after school on Wednesdays. We're rehearsing until six today."

Staring at the tiled floor, Blaine nodded in understanding. He should have known Kurt would have other plans, but that didn't stop the disappointment.

"But you know what?" Kurt mused, and Blaine looked up quickly. "I do believe New Directions owes the Warblers a free pass for spying."

Blaine grinned. "I'd love to hear you sing."

Blushing slightly, Kurt reached for his friend's hand. "Come on, I'll sneak you into the back of the auditorium."

The two walked hand-in-hand down the newly deserted hallways, making their way to the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion ("What did April Rhodes do to get honored?" Blaine asked, to which Kurt answered, "She got me drunk and gave me porn, among other things."). They stealthily opened the back door and snuck inside, careful not to trip down the dark steps. Kurt led Blaine to a seat a dozen rows up from New Directions, and was just about to order him to slouch down when a petite Asian girl made her way onto the stage.

"Oh no," Kurt mumbled, sitting down next to Blaine.

"Who's that? That's not Tina, is it?" Blaine leaned forward, squinting through the darkness.

Kurt leaned forward to whisper in Blaine's ear: "That's Sunshine Corazon, lead of Vocal Adrenaline. She almost joined New Directions, but Rachel scared her off. She's absolutely amazing; definitely the one to beat at Nationals."

The spotlight flickered to life as he finished, and Sunshine moved towards the microphone to begin to sing.

"You're right," Blaine whispered as she finished, his lips nearly brushing Kurt's ear, "she's amazing. But don't worry, Kurt. I think you're better."

Kurt smacked him playfully, glad the room was dark enough that Blaine couldn't see him blush. "I've got to go rejoin my team. Stay hidden, okay? Otherwise Rachel will kill me. You and I'll get dinner after so you can critique us, alright?"

Blaine nodded. "It's a date," he muttered as soon as Kurt was out of earshot.


	3. Wrong Conclusion 2x19 PromoSpoiler

**AN:** Based upon the two second scene of Sam and Kurt shown in the promo following "Born This Way". Since the episode is called "Rumors", and is about people jumping to the wrong conclusion, I'm assuming that Finn jumped to the wrong conclusion and Kurt and Sam _aren't _having a torrid love affair. But hey, I could be wrong.

Phase One may have been complete of Santana's plan to win Brittany's heart, but Phase Two: Prom Queen was proving to be a little bit of a challenge. She needed to up her game; everyone needed to see that she and Dave Karofsky were the perfect couple to vote for. They needed to be popular, badass, and completely in love.

They already had two out of the three. It was the_ in love_ part that they needed to work on.

Karofsky had pointed out that most of the couples McKinley had declared "post-graduation successful" were joined at the hip, like Tina and Mike. And thus the Bully Whips co-presidents began walking each other to class, picking each other as Chemistry partners, and eating lunch together – sometimes the two of them together, sometimes with the rest of the glee club.

Back in February when Coach Beiste had forced him into show choir, Dave thought the drama was due to him and his fellow football players. Turns out, glee club was like that all the time.

"I can't believe it!" Finn yelled, storming into the choir room, where most of the club plus Dave were eating lunch due to the pouring rain outside. Everyone turned as they watched their captain thunder in, Rachel hot on his heels.

"You're gay!"

Santana and Karofsky could feel each other's hearts plummet through their stomachs and land on the ground of Mrs. Bradford's math class a floor below them. They glanced at each other, masking the fear. _Which one of them was Finn about to out?_

Turns out, neither. Finn was headed straight for the drum set, behind which sat one Sam Evans.

"And you!" Rachel shrieked, pointing up the risers at Kurt Hummel. "I am completely appalled at your blatant disregard for monogamy! Have you learned nothing from the rest of us?"

Kurt raised an eyebrow, clearly confused. Sam shared his befuddled look.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, stepping around the drum set. "Why are you yelling at me?"

"I'm yelling at you because you're sleeping with my brother!"

The room fell quiet as everyone looked from Sam to Kurt and back again.

"Should I leave?" Karofsky whispered as softly as he could into Santana's ear.

"You want to miss a show like this? Are you crazy?"

Mercedes finally broke the silence as she looked at her best friend.

"…you're cheating on Blaine?"

"No, I am most certainly _not_!" Kurt was shocked and livid, almost shaking with anger as he glared at Finn and Rachel. "Who do you two think you are, making an accusation like that?"

"We saw you," Finn said, volume lower but with the same choleric tone. "You and Sam were in that room together alone –"

"Which obviously means I'm sleeping with him, right?"

Kurt jumped down from the risers and walked up to his stepbrother, completely disregarding his personal space. Finn's face quickly turned into one of fear.

"How. Many. Times," he spat, jabbing a finger into Finn's chest for emphasis, "Do I have to explain to you that I can be friends with a guy without being attracted to him? You never seem to get it through your thick skull, it's like Groundhog Day with you. As soon as you start to see me as a real person and think of me as your brother, the clock goes back and you're back to accusing me of being some – some _predatory gay_! One moment you act like my best friend, and then you're back to the clueless jerk calling me a creep. Make up your mind already, why don't you?"

Finn's expression was identical to the one he had worn the time the elder Hummel had chewed him out. This time, however, he had someone to come to his defense: Rachel.

"It's not because we saw you two together, Kurt," she said. "It's because we saw you two together _coming out of a motel room_."

"Oh, boy, classic love affair," Santana smirked, bitchiness back now that she knew she wasn't getting outed. "Did they use the same motel you and I did, Finnocence?"

"Look, we didn't do anything like that, okay?" Sam snapped, walking out to the center of the room. "I'm not gay, Kurt's not cheating on Blaine, nothing like is going on. He's just been helping me with –"

"Hey guys, five more minutes of lunch, and then time to vote on our Nationals ballad," Mr. Schuester announced, bouncing into the room oblivious of the scandalous rumors that had just been thrown about. Slowly he began to gauge the stress level of the room, then turned to look at Sam, the most guilty-looking party.

"Sam, are you okay? What's going on?"

People could practically see Sam's brain scrambling, searching for some excuse. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Kurt, visibly defeated.

"I'm just going to tell them. They'll find out soon anyway."

"It's up to you," Kurt answered. "But I think you should come clean."

Tension filled the air as Sam stared at the ground, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. Everyone, even Dave Karofsky, turned to give him their full attention.

"My parents want to move back to North Carolina," he began, and suspicious looks were almost instantly replaced with concern. "They said we're going to move as soon as possible."

"What about Nationals?" Rachel piped up.

"I told them I wanted to stay until the end of the school year, so I could stay for Nationals and for prom and baseball season and everything else." He swallowed, trying to ease his dry mouth. "My dad said it wasn't up for debate. He's a very 'my house, my rules, end of story' kind of guy. I didn't want to follow his rules, so… I left his house.

"Kurt met me at the motel because that's where I've been staying since Sunday night."

Mr. Schuester was immediately up on his feet, crossing over to his student and placing a hand on his shoulder. Everyone else looked stunned.

"Sam, why didn't you tell us this from the start? You have my number; you should have called. We would have talked to your parents and found you a place to stay with one of us instead of leaving you alone in a motel room."

"You could have totally crashed with me, man," Puck said.

"I know," Sam nodded. "I just wanted to fix this on my own, and talk to my dad myself. We don't really communicate that well, so that's why I asked Kurt. I've seen him and Mr. Hummel talk, and was hoping he could give me some tips."

Finn nodded slowly, knowing how lucky he was to have Burt as his stepfather. He turned towards Kurt.

"Why didn't you just tell me? I would have helped Sam out, too. He could have crashed with us and talked to Dad about this whole father/son communication thing."

"A: Not my secret to tell. B: I tried, but Sam wasn't big on sharing a room with the guy who stole his girlfriend. And C:," Kurt continued, anger starting to creep into his voice, "this infidelity rumor didn't make its way to Dalton, did it?"

Rachel looked sheepish. "I… may have vaguely asked him if you two were going through any relationship troubles."

Kurt snatched his phone out of his messenger bag and began to head out of the room. At the doorway he turned around, pointing at his brother and Rachel.

"If this conversation doesn't go perfectly, I'm shaving off both your eyebrows and tattooing the words 'obnoxious' and 'dumbass' in their place."

He fled the room, already dialing Blaine's number on his iPhone as the bell rang. Dave, the only non-glee clubber in the room, crumbled up his brown paper lunch bag and grabbed his bag. Santana walked him to the door, where they awkwardly pecked each other's lips.

"Is glee club always that insane?" he whispered as they pulled apart.

"Always. It's fantastic."


End file.
